DOLL

 I don't talk about things that break my heart. Hence that makes me a coward. 

Today rained a lot, it poured. On my way home I saw there's another wake where we held the wake for my father. I walked home sadly in the rain.

Tonight I helped mom to set up her time deposit account and maximise her profits. I also helped her check her salary, look at bills together and taught her how she can pay her bills in different ways to maximise cashback savings.  

I know ah pa will not be too worried to leave mom behind because he knows I will take good care of her. 

So I need to do my part and do better and have patience. 

At Bali when I was doing massage in the private room without my phone and no distractions at all, my mind just wouldn't quiet. I had to face the thoughts of thinking of my father and how little time we had together that was not filled with animosity. I always wished things could be different. 

I still wish they are different. 

I always thought you had more time, because how could you not - I am not even 30 yet.