24th Feb, Sunday. 9:53pm
I came to learn about a term called 'Complicated Grief', it's the grief you come to possess after losing a loved one and it can go on for years. It's not quite depression, and I was glad to learn that. But if it continues to deteriorate, I would be officially depressed.
I don't quite know what relapses are, emotionally and mentally.
But I think I have been too actively blocking out traumatic memories and repressing the traumatic moments I witnessed before my father passed on. It's like one moment I'm fine but the next moment these memories hit me, I am frozen. It's a terrible thing to have to go through and know that not for a moment you could be genuinely happy. Unless you repressed the trauma and the guilt, it usually works well - not thinking about what happened because I am too busy. It doesn't go too well when my period is coming and my hormones are all over the place.
I am hoping the overseas trip would do me well because now I have a mega distraction. I will think about therapy afterwards.
