DOLL

Today, we went down to officially close my father's bank account. 

Things like these are rather sad, but when your loved one passes on, albeit that person is someone as close as your parent, what needs to be done still has to be done. 

I feel my heart isn't in the right place to empathise with another these days. 

The way I feel it's deeply unfair that anyone should dictate how long a person ought to grieve for. The world continues to spin despite a family experiencing a giant gaping hole in its midst. And the way I would smile my way through my tears. 

Thing is we all mourn our loss differently and in my family there's a white elephant standing in the room of a life gone so early we could barely speak of it. 

Thing is I couldn't cry big tears - there's a certain kind of pain that slices your heart into pieces you tolerate the agony in silence. 

I also do not have the mood or joy to plan a happy occasion. 

It's all such a mockery in my face. 

My mother would like to buy me a necklace for my wedding. To me it's not so much the cost but the way it's especially meaningful because it's a gift from both my parents. That's priceless in itself.